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Someone’s Gotta Do Something! By General Gaylen Shaw

Thank you. For the last 3 months I’ve been staring at the same blog post from this kid Dowdder, day in and day out. It’s driving me nuts. Yes, I get it already about eating baby food. You wanna laugh? I did it. My brother Crisp had a new born, his son Burl (this was years ago) and I was at his place helping put in a new irrigation sump near the chowder (I just wrote a bunch of farm bullshit to see who’s awake) Anyway, it was lunchtime and I came into his kitchen having not eaten anything since before dawn and then it had only been a Slim Jim and a Diet Pepsi. I was starved. Lunch wasn’t ready yet so Crisp’s wife Ondine told me to help myself to anything I saw. She was going to head upstairs to the baby. There was nothing to eat that I could see except for the hamburger patties still sizzling in a pan on the stove and a box of Gerber’s strained peaches. For babies. See what I’m saying. So rather than eat raw, uncooked hamburger meat, I popped the lids off of the Gerbers and drained the contents of 6 strained peaches jars. I looked myself in the mirror and saw peach juice on my face and empty baby food jars on the table behind me. Christ, I felt low. Lower than whale shit, as the saying goes. I knew Crisp and Ondine would have questions. But I was alive. Alive. Thanks to Gerbers Strained Peaches. Me, I, General Gaylen Shaw. I ate baby food and I loved it. God help me but I loved it so. I loved it more than my life.
I wanted to write a blog about something other than baby food but I got sucked into writing one ABOUT baby god damned food. Damn baby food. Damn all the baby food that ever was.

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I’d Rather Change Bedpans At A Retirement Home Than Be The Official Medical Voice Of The Phil Hendrie Show. I’m Kidding. – The Dr Jim Sadler Viewpoint

Hello. I’m sure there will be typos and grammatical car-wrecks galore in this essay but that’s the way the cookie crumbles when you write with such emotion as I feel now, have a bulked-up upper body as I have now and can’t do anything but sit and inhale the fumes of what I sit and live in as the result of my own choices. What am I saying? I’m saying that being the doctor that gets pulled out of bed or meetings or examinations to jump on the Phil Hendrie Show and give an “expert opinion” about something can be similar to entering a locker room where every member of a wrestling team has just used the same toilet and they’ve locked the door behind you, no air freshener. See what I’m saying? In other words, you are told “Hey Doctor Sadler, go into that room there. There’s gold and awards and publicity there” and you go in there only to have your head pushed into the crack of a fat man’s a**, forgive the crudeness. I have years of experience as a veterinarian, psychologist and in general practice but because I don’t use the big words, people think it’s fun to “push Doctor Sadler’s head all the way in” as the saying goes. Because I say “give me the thing you cut with” as opposed to saying “nurse, give me the scallop” (sp? see, I told you) I’m ridiculed, mocked and toileted by the Hendrie show, it’s staff and sponsors. And this after I go on and give my expert opinion about stuff. I know I don’t know the right words. But what I lack in knowing the right words, I more than make up for in getting the job done. That’s me. Doctor Jim Sadler. I get the job done!!

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Merry Christmas And Merry New Year From I And Steve

Hi y’all. Bobbie Dooley here stopping by the Phil Henry website to wish you all the best of the holiday season. Down through the years, Steve and Me have witnessed many improvements and many changes at Western Estates, the gated community it has been our pleasure to serve as HOA President and Vice President of for lo these many years. From the inauguration of our Halloween tradition, Spook-O-Rama, to the spring drum and dance frenzy to the summer, fall, winter and spring-taculars, to our early morning nude walks, to my boobs immortalized in topiary form by my husband Steve, to the statue of my high rear-end at the main gate on King Kong Blvd, to Steve getting off with probation after being caught peering through the Cuntington sisters’ bathroom window, we’ve brought Western Estates to the very pinnacle of gated community living. Why was I writing this? Oh yea, to wish you a Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year, thats why!

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I’VE QUIT COACHING FOOTBALL BUT WATCH FOR MY NEW PODCAST “DO YOU NEED YOUR MA-MA!?”​

Yes, I’m quitting coaching before I lose what’s left of my mind. Now, I could go into the wins and losses, the league titles, the lack of league titles, the nosey parents and the cheap creeps that dole out the money like it Yes, I’m quitting coaching before I lose what’s left of my mind. Now, I could go into the wins and losses, the league titles, the lack of league titles, the nosey parents and the cheap creeps that dole out the money like it Yes, I’m quitting coaching before I lose what’s left of my mind. Now, I could go into the wins and losses, the league titles, the lack of league titles, the nosey parents and the cheap creeps that dole out the money like it