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I’m Radio Consultant Tom Dovka. When Will I Be Heard?

I’m Tom Dovka, longtime radio consultant of a great many radio shows down through the years. One of the ways that I gained success was by hard work and good instincts. That’s why it sort of hurts a wee bit to see a guy like Hendrie get inducted up into the Radio Hall of Fame. All the time I consulted radio stations that Hendrie worked at, Hendrie never did what I said to do. I said “do the weather, then shut up and play another Creedence Clearwater Revival record.” And what do you think Hendrie did? He didn’t do what I told him to do, that’s what. So then I had him fired. And the next thing you know, Hendrie’s getting inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame. Even though he wouldn’t shut up and just play the records in the card file that me and my assistant Dixie put together for our client stations. So Hendrie goes into the Radio Hall of Fame …and I’m still parked near a freeway on-ramp with my cell phone in one hand and a patty melt from TOPS Char-Broiled in the other, trying to get business done and get them to do what I tell them to do! This whole business is going down the shitter because guys don’t do what I tell them to. And they go to the Radio Hall of Fame and I’m eating a sandwich and drinking out of a thermos, parked near a farm ditch, out on Highway 69! There, I said it.

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Dr. Elcott Overlord Sale — 15% off BSP

DR.Elcott getting elevated to overlord sale – 15% OFF on BSP Yearly All Access – This gives you access to all content on a yearly basis.

After years and years of, in the words of Jerry his engineer, ‘carrying the OverLords slop jars,’ Dr Ed Elcott will be elevated from his current priesterly status — essentially a house pet — to that of “OverLod In Elcott Complete.” He will take the OverLord name of OverLord Bugs Wilcott. Join us in this grand celebration by gaining a Backstage Pass to philhendrieshow.com and bring fully immersed in this momentous Mind Widening!

Get yours here >

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Honored to be Welcomed to the Radio Hall of Fame

“The Radio Hall of Fame welcomes eight new members that have made a lasting impact on the industry. This class, like the ones before it, exemplifies the highest standards of excellence that radio broadcasters have upheld throughout radio’s rich history, making this medium so special to generations of listeners.”
— DENNIS GREEN, CO-CHAIRMAN

https://www.radiohalloffame.com/2024-inductees

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It’s Elcott……….ouch!!..The Next Step

Hello, I am Dr. Ed Elcott. The title to this “announcement” is actually how our program on Sunday mornings is often announced. I say “often” because, truth be told, to replace my well publicized sex addiction. I’ve taken to imbibing alcohol a bit too liberally. In plain English, by Sunday morning, I am “tanked“ to use a colloquialism, a word I suppose I shouldn’t use as it reveals too much, this being my first published piece on the Phil Hendrie website. But I thought I would “come clean“ and let you know why, by Sunday morning my hangover is so severe I forget words, phrases, and Elcotta terminology.
I am only joking with you. I am stone, cold sober and in complete grasp of my faculties and the Elcotta. I stated what I stated because I know arbuckles are about trying to defrock me or, as we say, fondle my intentions. I do say with complete clarity of mind that you should join us Sunday mornings here on the Phil Hendrie website and elsewhere for our Elcott The Next Step lectures. We take extra precaution so that we’re not philosophically fingered or spiritually “played with” so please forgive the intro to this essay, but I had to be sure, all Ella’s was sniffed. If you’re having a hard time understanding this announcement then perhaps Elcott The Next Step is not for you as it takes off, cruises and then crashes just over where your brain is. These terms are understood by Elcattans and their initiates and novitiates. Others sit there, as we say in Elcott, smelling the fumes of their own confusion. I love me. I no take drugs no more, signed Dr. Elcott otherwise known as The Me

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Weird New Year…..From I And Steve

Hi Everyone. You know how people wish each other a Happy New Year and nine times out of ten it turns out not to be such a happy new year? I know that’s a stone cold fact for many of the people I encounter. Ordell Greenby got wished a Happy New Year by Crystal Ogalala at last years Covered Dish Pot Luck Good Luck Buffet and wound up driving his car off of the Crowe Sisters Bridge near King Kong and Bulmanani. I know. I was there. I was following him to Twinkie’s to pick up a gallon of red eye and some snack food (we’d run low) when the old drunk, fresh off of a “Happy New Year” took it off the bridge and right into Wheeler Creek. He was fine. But as I lit flares and guided traffic around the tow trucks and police radio cars I got to thinking. Maybe it’s a better idea to wish each other a “Weird New Year” so that when we find ourselves in the Wheeler Creeks of the world, it ain’t no thing. In fact, we expected it and are sort of happy it happened. What do you say? No? Well, it was just a thought. I’m gonna do it anyway because I’m like that. I make everyone around me miserable until they do it……my way.
Until next time, have a Weird New Year!!

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I’m Jeff Dowdder….And I Got Questions

Have you ever been so hungry that you…if you already bought baby food on account of you got a baby…ate baby food because you were out of actual food? These are the questions that I’ll be asking on my new podcast “I Got Questions.”
Have you ever wondered if there is anywhere on the Sun we could land a space ship (I almost wrote ‘space shop’ which is also an interesting thought: Do we have space ships or are they really just space shops where we’re tinkering our way into deep space) and begin some basic exploration of the Sun and its different areas? I have. Have you ever asked yourself, as I have, if you could go to the Shroud of Turin, get some DNA and…wait for it…clone Jesus! (the answer to that one is,. no you can’t on account of the fact that the Shroud of Turin is a hoax and a gag! Yea, bet you didn’t think about that one? A monk or some guy, whoever, decided to roll around in a sheet, leave his…or her…well, wait, it wouldn’t had have been a her because you’d see the outline of breastes..mark on it and tried to fake out whoever seen it) Have you ever wondered why …..I mean there’s millions of questions that you or even I could ask. And we’ll ask them on “I’m Jeff Dowdder…And I Got Questions.” But I don’t know when because I can’t get Mr Hendrie on the phone.

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A Brutal January Gives Way To Hope And Warmth The Rest Of The Way

This is Don Berman reporting. Flooding, high winds, torrential rains, surf that would freak the shorts off of a Corky Carroll or Hobie Alter…. yes it was all part of a horrifying January here in Southern California, one we all hope will not be repeated anytime soon. How about not until next January. Eh? Huh? Yah, that’s right. This is Don Berman reporting and I can assure you, that when it comes to covering the weather, the entire Channel 19 news staff…..will probably be taking a coffee break because, while we are available to do the one-shots from flooded barns or someone’s house sailing out to sea, Goldie Showers and the entire Channel 19 weather team…Rick Wett, Miranda Blowhouse, Charles Hotly and Gary Flood…are all over it like a bad smell. And by that I mean they’re good at what they do. Because even a bad smell serves its purpose. It’s how I know L. Ron Martin has arrived for work in the morning. Hahaha. Joking of course, L. Ron. You know I bow to you and your organized crime connections… I mean your organizational teamwork and skills. This is Don Berman reporting.

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Yea. 2023, A Way Forward And A Way To Forget All The..Shall We Say…Questionable Promotional Decisions

Hi Ted Bell here. I can’t remember exactly if I did one of these little philhendrieshow.com posts. I know many others have been asked to do them. Not sure if I was. Oh well, I suppose two things will happen. I’ll be reminded that yes, I indeed was invited to write one and I just forgot. Or I’ll be informed that no I wasn’t, that this is the first time and, you know, have fun Ted, and I’ll be sitting out here like some monkey who’s the after-thought invite to the party, showing up wearing a bowtie that’s too tight and holding an inappropriate gift like a, I don’t know, a vibrator or some asinine thing like that. Let me stop right there. I’m off point and probably talking too much about myself. And yet I wanted to talk about myself, about overcoming the disastrous promotions, the Easter Ted (the biggest stiff in the history of our restaurant) Ted-O-Ween (what a stiff that was)…just every bad idea you could have promotionally, I had. You know how I dealt with it? You really want to know? This will sound mental but I’m not a destructive or violent person. I internalize. Everything that goes wrong I take it out on myself. How did I deal with the disaster of 2022’s promotions? You know what, I can’t tell you because some of you know my wife Marcy and may contact her and try to get her to sign the papers on me. But here’s a clue. It took 3 rolls of paper towels and two cans of Fabreeze to make my Mercedes something I’d want to drive again.
This whole thing was a mistake. Have a good year.

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Merry Christmas And Merry New Year From I And Steve

Hi y’all. Bobbie Dooley here stopping by the Phil Henry website to wish you all the best of the holiday season. Down through the years, Steve and Me have witnessed many improvements and many changes at Western Estates, the gated community it has been our pleasure to serve as HOA President and Vice President of for lo these many years. From the inauguration of our Halloween tradition, Spook-O-Rama, to the spring drum and dance frenzy to the summer, fall, winter and spring-taculars, to our early morning nude walks, to my boobs immortalized in topiary form by my husband Steve, to the statue of my high rear-end at the main gate on King Kong Blvd, to Steve getting off with probation after being caught peering through the Cuntington sisters’ bathroom window, we’ve brought Western Estates to the very pinnacle of gated community living. Why was I writing this? Oh yea, to wish you a Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year, thats why!

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ELCOTT The Next Step Will Go On!!

Dr Ed Elcott here, grateful to the Phil Henry or Hendrie Show (forgive me but I’ve never been shy about admitting that my early 90’s drug use slow roasted* my mind) for giving me the platform needed for the dissemination of the principles of the ELCOTT as articulated in our primary liturgical and scriptural text, The Big Thick One.
I’m always amused and intrigued by certain individuals who, knowing the resurrection of the ELCOTTA was driven by alcoholic college friends in 1991**, assume ELCOTT The Next Step is some kind of radio morning show shock jock routine or the ravings of a syphilitic TV infomercial host with financial problems. I say to those individuals that their meat thermometer should be checked*** for they are surely furnaced.****
Some people say to me “Ed shouldn’t you simply say nothing about your background in adult films?” I reply “Rita Facesit wants to ‘tie a rope around it.*****’ What am I to do? She’s simply ‘draping it over the window sill.******'” No, I am forthcoming about my past. I have been honest and scholarly about ELCOTT’s beginnings in the 19th Century with my great-great grandfather Heavner Elcott. And I have been more than honest about my status as a priesterly in ELCOTT being the result of having my pants pulled down by some fraternity brothers who then elected themselves OverLords because they kept their pants up longer than me. There. You happy? The modern history of ELCOTT The Next Step.
And yet I persevere, knowing that ELCOTT’s message of ego draining******* and mind-wiping******** will keep matches lit.*********
*’slow roasted’ is an Elcottian term that means, in specific brain terms, ‘damaged’
**This has been described and explained in detail in earlier ELCOTT texts.
***You are headed to the Furnace or Hell
****You’re now in the Furnace
*****Damage one’s reputation
******Expose oneself
*******Getting rid of one’s ego at the atomic level in life’s decision-making
********An ELCOTT method by which the memory is emptied of obscene, carnal or pornographic imagery. A very temporary step, one that many Elcottians engage in frequently over a lifetime
*********The soul will be free of lingering doubt and free to evolve just as a lit match cleans the bathroom air of stench and other foul odors.