Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police doesn't want anyone thinking he's George Zimmerman so he's had Citizens Auxiliary Police hoodies made that he and his sub-commanders wear. He also has had his men walk with more of an "urban swerve" so they look like one of the people and not some "neighborhood watch scumbag." Jays guys get in trouble though when they try and keep a woman with a big ass from getting in her van and breaking the axle with four kids on board. "That's a ball of fire you can see for a mile off." Later Bob Green talks about "pink slime" and David G. Hall rips Phil an ass for, once again, muting the audio on one of the videocast segments... Plus we gave away a Ted's of Beverly Hills hoodie to Eric Mersetti of El Sobrante, Ca.

Pastor William Rennick was Phil's very special guest as he talked about whether stay-at-home mom's do actual work or are more self-employed and this can knock off anytime they want. Pasor rennick contended that stay-at-homemom's have it easier than women who work in a job because they can "take a break, let the baby sit there in a diaper full of doo and have a nougat." The pastor also said that if a stay-at-home mom got sick to death of it "she could lift the kid above her head like a soccer ball and pitch it off a bridge." Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police had safety tips for surviving a tornando "based on many hours of sitting relaxed and watching film of tornadoes" Jay concluded that if you see a tornado "don't do anything. There's a fifty-fifty chance it'll blow right by you." Debbie Daley, the world's only hearing-impaired radio host, came on to tell Phil that, as a child, she survived a tornando the same way Judy Garland did in the Wizard of Oz; it picked up a house and then dropped it with her in it.

The Todd Akin flap....saying there was such a thing as 'legitimate rape'....got Jay Santos talking about 'Operation Oversight," another light bulb of an idea from Major Elvis Newton whereby Jay and the sub-commanders canvas the area for ill-considered talk about Rep. Akin and his 'misstatement.' Margaret Grey joined the conversation and tried to talk about the night she put her ****** up Frank's *** and he cried like a *****. Larry Grover also weighed in, talking about seeing his wife greasing up the handle of a hair brush and him running from the room and hiding in the rain all night......

Austin Amarca was back on to conclude his comments from last night about the "industrial sized drum of Vaseline" that Phil claimed was ordered up by Pirate Bay. Austin also spoke about some tradesmen working the same construction jobs as him playing religious tapes loudly while they work. Austin generally has "some Paw, Anthrax or Cyreth Ungal" to blast back at them.      Powerball numbers were drawn today and there were winning tickets sold in Arizona and Missouri. Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police discussed the CAP's effort at insuring people know they haven't got a prayer of winning.. ...We also got some news on the CAP stopping and searching shopping bags carried by teenage girls because it was one such "sack of sin" that ruined Jay's first marriage.... Harvey Weirman attempted to give financial advice from the Rio in Las Vegas on what to do with Powerball winnings but kept stopping his waiter to get a drink order right. "Hey, you with the hair. I want three fingers of Dewars on the rocks and keep that ginger ale out of it."

Phil and Jay Santos discuss the George Zimmerman pictures showing Zimmerman beat up and what constitutes the proper use of deadly force. Jay said he saw a face like that once....his own, after hassling some people in line to see "A Team." Bud and Robert talked about the various zombie films with Phil and whether or not any "choir members" were seen as zombies. After all, according the Bud, choir members dress like dead people... Margaret vigorously defended Bob Costas' statements about gun control as Phil charcaterized Costas as a narcissist. Frank Grey weighed in on Costas. "I knew her briefly in New York," he said.

Steve Bosell and Jay Santos talked about a potential lawsuit against the Mexican government for their endless promotion of Mayan civilization. And while Steve and Jay didn't believe the end was near they did develop what they called a subconscious "residual," an involuntary glitch in speech or physical manner betraying anxiety over the topic. Bud milked the whole "Stand By Your Mayan" joke... Dr. Ron Tarner and Vernon Dozier discussed the advances of ancient civilizations with Vernon saying they were overrated. Modern day people slavishly praise older civilizations as "wise" because "we need our MA-MA's. " Dr. Tarner meanwhile was fixated on what he called Dr. Stephen Hawking's bad taste Polish jokes... Maragert Grey talked about the Mayan calender actually denoting the beginning of a new epoch in human history, much like the "Age of Aquarius" Frank Grey came on and bemoaned the fact he had a chance to invest in the musical "Hair" all those years ago and turned it down. Margaret then sang "Age of Aquarius" with husband Frank cheering her on.

Jay Santos returns to talk about a boy abducted at the age of 5 and now 24 who was recently located. The child was kidnapped by his grandparents. Jay said that the Citizens Auxiliary Police method in getting the child out of the house would be to "toss in some smoke bombs, to try and smoke the old people out or toss in Piccolo Petes or Roman Candles. See we get most of our ordnance from the Red Devil fireworks stands around the fourth." Margaret Grey laughed when Phil referred to the young child, Richard Lander, as "little Richard" thinking he was talking about the singer and used that as an opportunity to sing "Tutti Fruitti." Margaret also commented on the flu vaccine shortage and said she'd threaten any doctor trying to sexually harass her with exposure to the virus by taking off her surgical mask and saying "hey handsome, I haven't been vaccinated" and then breathing in his face...