Hour One:Justin McElroy, high school junior, came on the show to explain the the kid in Minnesota who shot up his school was exhibiting some kind of Native American rage. According to Justin, it never would have happened had the white man not done the "Injun" wrong.Hour Two:Chris Norton introduces his new service "Dream Date." If you are a high school girl who ordinarily doesn't get invited to proms, he'll be your date complete with limo, dinner and, as you exit the limo for the prom, smoke "like you're walking out of hell." Chris prices on a sliding scale. The more "challenging" the date, the more expensive. How much to date Terri Schiavo? According to Chris, "four figures."Hour Three:Jeff Dowder calls in to say that Mad Hatters disease is so named because the old time haberdashers used to breath "formaldehyde" fumes while bending and shaping the hats they made and it drove them nuts. He says he knows because his friend Toby Beau told him and Toby's grandfather used to make "bowler hats for Dion O'Bannion in Chicago." Phil then talks about meeting and talking football with the former Dallas Cowboy all-pro James Washington. The Jim Rome Show features Romey choking on a piece of gum and Travis performing the Heimlich. Then Charlie calls to say he hates the Jim Rome bit that Phil just did and Bud chimes in his agreement and then David G. Hall calls to say he thought it sucked too. Logan Benson, the little five year old, calls in to say his Grandpa believes that if Michael Jackson had dealt with "those brats the same way John Wayne Gacy did" he wouldn't have the problems he has today. Phil segues from that tasteless piece of material into a discussion of his wife's basketball prowess. The show ends with the Kenny Rogers "Please Help Me Pay Off My Debt Before The Mafia Kills Me" Special.

Hour One:Cowboy Jim opens up with special guest Phil Hendrie who tells the kids he blew off a meeting with Comedy Central because they're thieves. The Ted Bell comes on to tell Phil he's blowing it not showing up for meetings with heavy cable networks. Phil waxes eloquent about how he and Maria celebrated their 8th wedding anniversary. We played a listener flashback and then Lorne Greene came on to warn spring breakers about the dangers of sharing needles. Bud Dickman read off his weekly list of NASCAR's most radical accidents. Then Danny Akoli came on with the Hawaiian Stock Exchange Report. David calls and has Phil throw Danny off the air because he finds out Akoli is Hawaiian for a-s-s. Chris Norton calls at the end of the hour to say he can dance so sexually Terry Schiavo would sit up in bed.Hour Two:Vernon Dozier's wife has been in a coma for the last 2 years. He wants to honor her families wishes by keeping the feeding tube in her but the bills are piling up and he has recently started dating a 30 something flight attendant/tennis player who is "high maintenance." He says that unfortunately he may be forced to remove his wife's feeding tube if he doesn't get a piece of his father-in-laws lucrative building supply business.Hour Three:Herb Sewells Michael Jackson Report starts the hour. Tonight Herb regales us with the story of child-molester Blanchard Hoyle who, while incarcerated with Herb at Atascadero, actually looked forward to his electro-shock treatments by skipping into the room and flopping on the gurney like it was a chaise lounge. Phil then plugs the website and mentions a picture of himself on the site that dates to the days when Phil would do the Rose Parade with Margaret and Harvey. Jeff Dowder comes on with another installment of "What Would Jesus Do?" Today's episode: What would Jesus do if the paper boy kept throwing Jesus' paper on a wet lawn instead of the driveway? Then Phil mentions how Pat O'Brien can go to alcohol rehab and still do his "Insider" show. Just tape his segments from the day room of the dry-out clinic just before they strap Pat down for his afternoon thorazine treatment.