Tonight Jay Santos and Dave Oliva engaged in an on-air debate about what should be done to offset the loss of police services in the face of budget cuts for many cities. Mr. Oliva, an aspiring police officer, believes we should reduce the number of hours spent training police on how to "make scumbags more comfortable in the patrol car" and spend more money on billy sticks and tasers. Jay Santos believes he and his "auxiliary police" are the answer, deftly manuvering their way around the U.S. Consitution with their "three-step takedown and "dancing past a person in the doorway" to gain access to their home. The following hour it was the return of Reverand Dave Castorini's Youth Ministry. The Reverand had $20,000 stolen from his church accounts by a young church assistant and fouind himself without the funds for a promised trip to Minnesota to open another youth church. He decided to sculpt a piece of art that he was sure would get paying customers to cough up enough money to make up for the shortfall: A blasphemous piece on The Virgin Mary. While Reverand Castorini says he is sorry and he'll never do it again, he also says he does still get "walk up business to see the sculpture."

The Rick Sanchez story was discussed by Phil and sponsor Ted Bell of Ted's of Beverly Hills this evening. In response to reports Sanchez disparaged Jewish people in the broadcast media, Ted told Phil there are just some things an employee cannot say. In fact Ted had to fire one waitress who dared say she supported Obama while Ted was in the building. He fired a bartender who had the bad taste to mention he was Roman Catholic to a customer. And he canned a valet who ran into the restaurant to tell Ted that Jughead of the Archie comics was "a homosexual." He was wrong. It was new character Kevin Keller.                       Kevin Keller.....gay Ted fired him too. The problem of texting in movie theaters was taken up by Citizen Auxiliary Police officer Jay Santos who told Phil and his listeners that  his crew will be out and about at movie theaters this weekend making sure no one is using their phone to text disparaging comments about movies they are watching to friends waiting outside. Movie theater managers are cracking down on texting in the theater and Jay has seen some of the texts. "This movie smells like one of your fathers farts," was one message allegedly texted by a mother to a ten year old daughter waiting outside. The purpose is to drive business away from the theater "for kicks."

Tonight's show featured an appearance by Jay Santos of the Citizens Axilliary Police to provide information to the public on dealing with resisting suspects. Jay's main point is all bets are off if a suspect puts their hands on the officer...or "ociffer" in Jay-speak. If the suspect puts their hands on the cop, whether the suspect is a 10 year old girl or an 80 year old man procedure calls for collaring the individual around the head or shoulders and running them, head first, into any stationary cement or asphalt object. Next, the story of a man video-taping a child molester's confession and putting it on YouTube, inspires Phil to bring on Norther California Holistic Center Director Dean Wheeler who was secretly taped by his wife Belinda slapping her when she lost some money and papers for the center. Dean feels the real crime was not him slapping his wife but her secretly recording him doing it. He also slapped her when she added "too much gluten to a walnut loaf she was making. I have Celiac disease which causes my stool to be oily," says Dean. But Deans says he's evolved. He used to hit her with a balled up fist and now uses his open hand. Soon, he'll evolve to the point where he'll remove his rings.

Bobbie Dooley discusses her ideas to make America safer, especially in flight. Nerve gas released by the pilot, axes and machetes hidden with the flotation devices and cockpit doors made of iron. Bobbie also and inevitably talks about who's kid gets to survive...her's, the one left at home or yours, the one on the plane. Naturally your kid gets nerve-gassed. Next up Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police tells Phil that the magic words he uses to frisk or 'spread" people are "Turn around, put your hands on your head and shut your pie hole." Jay says that if those words are spoken with "the voice of authority" then the people will do just that and hence give their consent. Jay also says his ace-in-the-hole is that it's suspicious to be out on 9/11 at the mall eating a corn dog.

Tonight, Dr. Ron Tarner told Phil and his audience that if it came down to saving a students life or saving his career, the student goes down for the count. Anything that can be percieved as sexual assault or harassment he stays away from. So when Phil told him about a high school student who who put alligator clips on his nipples and had someone plug them into a wall socket resulting in the boy suffering serious injury, Tarner said he wouldn't go near that situation. "The alligator clips sound sexual. Same reason why I won't stop a kid who's dropped his pants to light a fart. People will think I'm joining in." Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxilliary Police joined Phil the next hour and told Phil that if they outlaw smoking in multi-family dwellings, he and his "sub-commanders" have the Constitutional right to enter those dwellings and "put our nose to peoples clothing and fingers" to determine if they've been smoking." Afterall, says Jay, they are smokers and no one cares about the rights of smokers.