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Ep. 83

Monday, April 1, 2013

Ted Bell was the guest host. He commented on Phil's pre-show melt-down that carried over to the regular show. Ted took over after the first break. Ted talked with Frank Grey about his favorite food at Ted's (Shrimp Louie, Caeser Salad and Steak Diane...all entree's with 'people' names...) Later Ted talked with callers about the injury to college basketball player Kevin Ware, a gruesome compound fracture shown graphically on TV. "If I've got heavy cabbage riding on that game, you bet I want to see the injury. I want to see the world...all 69 states." Ted also discussed how he learned honesty from his father who got beat up one night by a guy who's wife Ted Sr. had made an impolite, but frank, remark to. He told her she had a great ass and was beat badly before buying the husband and the other two guys that had helped him drinks. Ted Jr. told a woman one night "I want to put my meat in your mouth," in the sense of wanting her to eat a Ted's of Beverly Hills steak but was knocked out cold anyway by her husband. "I was proud when I woke up though Phil. I saw people stepping over me going about the business of the restaurant. They didn't miss an order!"

Show Log

” Phil told Ted the sad truth and Ted hung up. (By the way, Ted and Donald Trump were on the same page there)” Show Log For Tuesday November 6, 2012

Tonight the election returns were pouring in and Phil and the crew looked through them. Margaret also sang another "Phan" request, "This magic Moment," while Don Berman from channel 19 news, who used to be an opra critic listened to evaluate it. Margaret brought back the classic 'This Magic Moment' tonight Ted Bell told Phil that Obama is still a loser because he didn't, in Ted's mind, win the popular vote. Of course, Phil told Ted the sad truth and Ted hung up. (By the way, Ted and Donald Trump were on the same page there) Mavis Leonard was also on the show to talk about her vote for Romney and how she isn't impressed in the least with Obama

God Made Me�Ted Bell!

The caller wants him to shove a baked potato up his butt, a steak knife in his ass cheek and just go to hell where he belongs! Ted bans her from the restaurant forever! All this over a friggen Playstation!(0:04:07)

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Hour One:Margaret with the news flash that Mancow is coming to LA....David G.Hall says "get the whore off the air...."..Phil talks about Stan and Haney on WRXK...Margaret fights her way off of hold...Herb Sewell asks for pen pals for psychiatric inmate Walter Bellhaven....Dr Jim Sadler plays a PETA tape of a KFC employee having sex with a chicken...Farmer calls to talk about the great beak he got from a Rhode Island hen....Professor Husband Ginther with Chicken Jokes Containing Sexual Innuendo....C93, Pierre, South Dakota program director Darren Browne is forced to his knees and shot execution style by Bud.....Hour Two:Ted Bell tries to impress a beautiful African-American woman at a party by telling her he flies chartered jets every time he travels.....Ted says his employee Craig Lincoln is no big thing for flying first class....African American female caller reacts angrily, saying Ted simply wants a "black sex slave..."...Ted expresses opinion white men are naturally attracted to black woman but that the idea of a white woman being attracted to a black man makes him want to pick up a baseball bat....Ted says the white wives of white men get it and usually won't interfere with their husbands affair if its with black woman....Hour Three:RC Collins of Bradley Military Academy wants to be 101st Airborne but would like the option of not jumping out of a plane into combat if it looks too hairy.....RC talks with a combat veteran who tells him he'd kick him out the door anyway. RC says "that would be murder"........RC says that coming down in a parachute makes the target for any enemy on the ground quite obvious...He's shooting up so "what do you think he's going to hit first?....Phil says taking King of the Hill off of the air is Fox "trying to wring every last penny out of that half-hour "like they have their hands on a KFC chickens throat..."...Phil tells the story of the 101st at Bastogne in WW2.....

Ep. 53

Ted Bell and Steve Bosell’s Pro Football Game of the Week – #2

They butchered Indianapolis at San Francisco like they carved Denver at New York.

Why I Like Gold In These Economic Times

I'm Ted Bell.... When I say those words they are like gold. They are a kind of currency for me in Beverly Hills, Los Angeles, the LA metro, Southern California, California, the USA, North America and eventually then, after all of that, the film industry. But not eveyone is Ted Bell. Not everyone need only say their name and the ears of movers, shakers and candlestick makers prick up. (Memo to Arlene: Lose the "prick up" phrase. Sounds like I'm talking about popping one in the bone yard just because I'm famous) Some need a more traditional means of barter. I like gold. I'm didn't want to bore you with the cumbersome economic trivia that goes into making this decision but then Al Waddell, (pronounced wa-DELL) my business associate of some thirty years and our bookkeeper at Ted's of Beverly Hills told me it would be a good idea....Can I back up? He suggested. I'd rather not give the impression anyone tells me to do anything. So he suggested. He suggested. K? I'm Ted Bell The reason why I like gold as an investment (and again while Al doesn't tell me to do anything he also suggested I invest in gold but the final call is mine) is because it is solid, hard currency and is valuable. Paper, obviously burns, becomes wrinkled, gets lost, can be torn in half and becomes unusable. Anyone who's tried to pump a lousy dollar bill into a soft drink machine at the height of the summer's heat knows what I mean. Gold on the other hand is solid and isn't going anywhere. Try losing a gold bar. I'd like to meet the soft drink machine that's going to spit an American Gold Eagle back at me. See what I mean? Now I know many people want to know why, in fancy, economic, stock market currency blah-blah-blah terms I'm investing in gold. To that I say it's really none of their business because I want to keep my business edge. But I will tell you some of the things I've done with gold that no one else has done with gold to show you I know what time it is out here on the street. Okay? So listen up. Piece of shit I have had a gold statue of me and my family made and it is right out in front of our house in Beverly Hills. Why? Because the Saudis that parked here for a number of years with those statues and that house they painted some unnatural, Arabian color which sat out on Sunset insulted me as a Western Man who has the common decency to wear shoes and drive a car. (Yes, people that ride camels are FUNNY. See? FUN-nee!) So I've had a gold statue made. I also have gold patio furniture. I commissioned a gold toaster and gold kitchenware. You follow? I have purchsed a gold Buddha statue from a dealer in the Far East and it's going out near the kids water-slide so that just before they hit the water they look up and see a gold, laughing Buddha looking them up and down and they're reminded of who is hosting their fun and frivolity. Me. (Memo to Al: What if they think Buddha is the reason they're having fun? Goddammit) And finally I'm having a car made for myself first (and then another for Marcy if I like mine) out of solid gold. G-O-L-D. A gold BMW convertible. All gold. I am told the vehicle will weigh around 12,000 pounds and could sink any ship transporting it from Germany. Ask me if I care. No one else in this town will have one except me. So I don't care if Godzilla rises up near Catalina and drowns every Christian soul within walking distance (Godzilla walking distance) I'll have my gold BMW! I'm so distracted now by the thought of the gold car that I'm bored with this blog. Fuck this. Pardon my language. Come on into Ted's and I'll make it up to you with a drink or a platter of something. On order...solid gold

Friday, October 1, 2010

The Rick Sanchez story was discussed by Phil and sponsor Ted Bell of Ted's of Beverly Hills this evening. In response to reports Sanchez disparaged Jewish people in the broadcast media, Ted told Phil there are just some things an employee cannot say. In fact Ted had to fire one waitress who dared say she supported Obama while Ted was in the building. He fired a bartender who had the bad taste to mention he was Roman Catholic to a customer. And he canned a valet who ran into the restaurant to tell Ted that Jughead of the Archie comics was "a homosexual." He was wrong. It was new character Kevin Keller. Ted fired him too. The problem of texting in movie theaters was taken up by Citizen Auxiliary Police officer Jay Santos who told Phil and his listeners that his crew will be out and about at movie theaters this weekend making sure no one is using their phone to text disparaging comments about movies they are watching to friends waiting outside. Movie theater managers are cracking down on texting in the theater and Jay has seen some of the texts. "This movie smells like one of your fathers farts," was one message allegedly texted by a mother to a ten year old daughter waiting outside. The purpose is to drive business away from the theater "for kicks."

Ep. 375

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Phil brought on Ted Bell to discuss the kind of beef he buys from this Bundy guy.....Ted says it's pretty old and may be slightly diseased, but produces just the right kind of diarrhea that Ted's customers can "savor..." Ted brought on his lunch chef Larry to explain. It all culminates in an outdoor campaign that trumpets the Ted Bell slogan "Ted's of Beverly Hills...A River of Shit..." Phil, Bud, and the General started commenting on some elderly women they saw on TV and their "back doors" which disgusted Margaret.. Clara Bingham and Pastor Rennick came on to talk about an abuse story at a school in Atlanta. Pastor Rennick was also dealing with a group of chickens he got from kids at Easter. Other weirdness...... Congrats to All Access BSP metcalfec of Mission Viejo, CA. winner of this morning's iPad! Episode 106 from The World of Phil Hendrie podcast.

Ep. 487

Thursday, August 14, 2014

We've got more "Best Of" clips for you to enjoy on today's podcast. Phil will return for our Saturday BSP-Only show, so go sign up for a Backstage Pass now! General Shaw wept as he talked about putting his mother in a nursing facility. The General chose the place that had the best Sunday ice cream social for the old folks. A place that had the old folks bumping into each other eating ice cream was rejected. The General also talked about the wool jock straps his mother used to knit him. Later discussions with Larry Grover about the Tea Party had General Shaw so pissed off he traveled to Larry's house disguised as a pizza delivery man and beat the shit out of him! Long time horse trainer Cliff King made an appearance this morning from Los Alamitos, CA and talked to Phil about "being 72 and walking the streets of Los Alamitos where everyone's my friend." To impress a young waitress at "Egg's N' Things" he starts bending the metal legs of chairs across his forehead... Phil and the crew talked with Frank Grey about a suit brought by the band Spirit against Led Zeppelin for, they claim, lifting a guitar line for "Stairway to Heaven" from one of their songs... Phil brought on Ted Bell to discuss the kind of beef he buys from this Bundy guy.....Ted says it's pretty old and may be slightly diseased, but produces just the right kind of diarrhea that Ted's customers can "savor..." Ted brought on his lunch chef Larry to explain. It all culminates in an outdoor campaign that trumpets the Ted Bell slogan "Ted's of Beverly Hills...A River of Shit..." And Bobbie closes the podcast by giving a little backstory for the Cuntington sisters. Episode 185 from The World of Phil Hendrie podcast.

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