Hour 1: Ted Bell of Ted's of Beverly Hills joins the show to discuss an assault by his wife after she tried to stick a finger up his “you know where.” (Almost like a Steve Bosell bit.) Phil closes by revealing he did the voice of Ted. Hour 2: FIRST HALF. Bobbie Dooley says she got uterine cancer from a nasty bike at a workout center. Her story grows unbelievable. SECOND HALF. Phil takes calls, emphasizes they don't have any actors. Phil talks about porn actors doing news reports. Caller talks about Osama bin Laden. Hour 3: FIRST TWO THIRDS. Chris Norton with After Dark Escort Service, which allows unmarried women in their late 20's to get escorted. LAST THIRD. Phil talks to callers, the American idea of mens' fantasies, takes more calls, Phil hangs up on someone, says 'no talking about the show'.

Hour 1: Bobbie Dooley with Stem Cell Research And You. She wants one of her HOA members to get an abortion so she can make it onto a sitcom and keep the property values up, and the fetus can go to stem cell research. Phil closes with a fake phone call, talks about performing radio theater. Hour 2: FIRST HALF. Phil on VW's new bus, the gas grass or ass bumper stickers, hitchhiking, camping. The Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader voyeurism lawsuit, the website, MFP. SECOND HALF. Bud's Weekly Top Ten. Drinks some "gobbling juice" and takes on a pretentious accent for a few seconds. Hour 3: FIRST HALF. Ted Bell is giving money to stem cell research when you buy their shrimp cocktails. Phil does off-air bits with Ted in which Ted admits to him and the kitchen watching people eating and pretending they're aborted fetuses. SECOND HALF. Phil says Milt is a cool name, says pro football and hockey players are garbage, talks about good movies.

Lloyd Bonafide kicked off the show to say that he wants to volunteer to go to DC to shoot the Chinese pandas at the zoo as payback for the hostage deal. Ted Bell joined us in the second hour. Ted said that Phil didn't announce that Ted would be at the post office wearing tennis shorts and a sweater so he could get into the front of the line. He pays lots of taxes and should get to cut in line. RC Collins finished the second hour with his Sopranos report. Dean Wheeler wrapped up the show with his report, "This Ain't LA: An Overview of the Cincinnati Riots." Dean thinks the Cincy riot won't be as good as the LA riots because LA has warm, sunny weather and palm trees, so people will care more.