Best Of

Best Of

Best Of

Best Of

On the show tonight Dr. Michael Stone joined us for Crime Night.  We discussed the sad case of Phoebe Prince, the girl that hanged herself after being mercilessly taunted by kids at school. Dr. Stone opined that jealousy may have been a part of the motive. When Phil asked him why the doctor responded, "Because one of the girls that harrassed Phoebe was butt-end ugly." Later in the show Vernon Dozier, a high school teacher at Belmar Academy, announced the return of Home Economics to his schools curriculum. The reason, said Vernon, was that home sales are way down and it may be because the homes that are up for sale are filthy. Women need to keep their homes cleaner. No one wants to buy a house that smells "like a dead body." To drive home the point  about how depressed the real estate business was, Vernon mentioned his brother-in-law, who is a real estate salesman. Vernon told Phil that his brother-in-law, while talking about business, brought up the Donner party and the relative merits of cannibalism.

Started out with Bobbie and Steve Dooley explaining why they were leading a boycott against Arizona Iced Tea because of the Arizona immigration law. They did eventually find out that Arizona Iced Tea is made in New York but by then someone had called Bobbie a "slut" on her blog (she was wearing a two piece that showed ass-crack) and so Bobbie decided she would continue the boycott regardless of whether it had anything to do with Arizona, the immigration law or anything else. "You don't get between an dog and it's meat." The next hour Professor Emory Clayton of LA Canyon College explained that white people adopting black babies are responding to "DNA" and the need to keep a slave around. A child must do what they are told and they don't get paid so in Clayton's mind an adopted black child is ready made.  The professor had Bud play the song "Gone With The Wind." In the mind of a white person "gone with the wind" means you look up and your slaves are "gone with the wind, all asses and elbows." New York TV and radio personality Lionel guested in the last hour.

Tonight, Herb Sewell, as part of him trying to class up his image, advocated against the Arizona immigration law and in favor of health care, telling everyone he was a liberal and cared about people. In fact, he annoucned he's running for Congress and that he's getting his child-molester past out in the open. After all, what was worse, the fact Herb was a child molester or the fact Teddy Kennedy "strangled a woman and then drove his care into a creek?" Later Steve Bosell told Phil that he and two other fathers will be chaperoning his daughters middle school dance this weekend. If a girl wears a dress that Steve says "makes me want to dance with her and get her punch" then it's inappropriate and Steve and the other fathers, under the suprrvision of the girls gym teacher "Miss Elizabeth", have to administer corporal punishment. This is done as "Miss Elizabeth" wears a leather mask and watches while referring to the fathers as her "eunuchs." Phil also explained to Bud and Robert what newspapers were.

Dr. Ron Tarner, who is proud to have been on the right side of every issue for the last 15 years, believes the new Arizona immigration law will only be a big green light for Mexicans to flood into the state to challenge the law. And, because the racists who created the law know this, it encourages Mexicans to engage in their natural sneakiness. As a liberal, Dr. Tarner has many Mexican freinds and many liberal white friends and they know what he's talking about and they are not offended. Mexicans are naturally sneaky and back-stabbing and this law plays to that. Margeret Grey was actually in Phoenix over the weekend with Al Sharptons group protesting the immigration law. Margaret is frightened for the sanity of the people of Arizona, a state where lawlessness is a tourist attraction. Plus, she doesn't know how any government can exist and get work done in a town where it's 150 in the shade.

Tonight it was Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police telling Phil about "Operation Safe Streets" which is a campaign to go door to door and find out "how green people are." In the course of talking to people at the door, if Jay or his men happen to step over the threshold to "take a peak around" people need to go with it otherwise "that's a red flag." Jay basically cited case law (or tried to) that he claims says if a cop is suddenly chased into your house by a bee and while he's in your house he sees cocaine, he can bust you. Austin Amarca, a cabinet-maker from Lancaster, Ca. wants a law passed prohibiting people who make under $40, 000 a year and win a hundred million dollar jackpot from getting any publicity. Why? Because for a guy like Austin, who serves his daughter Eggo's in the morning instead of real buttermilk pancakes because he doesn't have time to make them, hearing about some guy with no teeth who works in a convenience store winning 258 million in Missouri Powerball is almost too much to bear.

On tonight's show Jack Armstrong opened with a vigorous defense of Comedy Central for censoring "South Park." Well, actually all he said was that, as a liberal, he thought Jon Stewart was funnier and besides all "South Park" does are "booger" jokes. The next hour Rudy Canosa of J'em Lingerie offered that "big women" don't look good in lingerie but that if a man gives them a "la-la-la" and the sound effect of a distant foghorn they're fine. In the last hour Bob Green tells Phil of buying his girlfriend Vicki a "blood diamond." Bob justifies it by saying "the guy that mined it is dead anyway or chopped up someplace so I bought it to give his life meaning.