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Tonight Doug Dannger proposed that, now that he has passed on, Peter Falk become a new and powerful symbol of the gay fight for equal rights. Sure Mr. Falk was straight and married. It wouldn't matter. "We would repurpose his life to be that of an out queer with a lover left destitute because there's no community property." Doug also thought Clarence Clemmons would make a good symbol of Gay Pride as well. Next up was Chris Norton with a new website called M&M ILF's...Murdering Mom's I'd Like To F*#k. Chris obviously would kick the site off with Casey Anthony.  But he also reserved a spot for Lizzy Borden. "Lizzy Borden took an ass' and gave her father forty wass'. Thas' was the rhyme. She basically buried an ass' in her dad's face," said the allergy stricken Chris.
Hour 1: "There Was No Buggerization" Phil talks about the buzz on Jesse Ventura. Clara Bingham lends her two cents about Jesse and his supposed derogatory comments about black people and religion. She believes that Ventura should be recalled because his comments are more offensive than President Clinton's sexual behavior in the White House. After all, President Clinton only received oral sex, he didn't engage in "buggerization" or "sodomization," which is the only sexual act that would get him impeached. Ventura saying religion is for weak-minded people is far worse. Hour 2: "Defamed" Chris norton calls to discuss his dating record and how he has had a date every Friday night for the past eight years. Tonight, however, the date canceled on him because her mother is sick. Chris offered to come over with some porn to watch while they were taking care of her mother so as to keep his streak alive. She refused and now Chris is seeking legal action because her canceling on him hurts his image with his friends. Hour 3: The PHS presents... Joe Dickhead & the Professor's NFL Picks! Austin Amarka wants to know where Phil stands on the issue of Creationism vs. Evolution. RC Collins chimes in!
Thursday, December 9, 2004 Hour 1: Phil talks about being afraid on a ladder, hiring Christmas kids. producer tells Phil to use a laugh track. Kenny Rogers Christmas Special. Phil on X-mas decorations. Flashback Mavis on trailer trash.mp. Hour 2: Justin McElroy wants the ROTC kicked out of his high school, because he gets all the military training he could possibly need from playing Halo 2. Hour 3: Chris Norton is worried drinking eggnog might give him 'nog-lip' and make him look gay. Phil on women dancing. The Prince of Darkness. Phil on email, peppers, stupid Texan. Hal+Viola snorting tequila.mp.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004 Hour 1: Don Parsley is the guest during the first hour. He recently got the results back of his wife’s biopsy, and she does not have breast cancer. Despite the good news, Don admits that he thought his wife was a dead woman, so he went out and got himself an insurance policy; he started having an affair with a younger woman with full, healthy breasts. Now Don’s wife is going to live, but he still wants the other girl to come live at their house. Don doesn’t understand why callers are criticizing him. After all, Kobe Bryant did the same thing and he got away with it. Hour 2: Herb Sewell has a documentary coming out about Father’s Day – calling it one of the more painful American holidays. Herb contends that fathers are not seen in the same light as mothers, and the film focuses on some fathers that have been abandoned by their children. In his case, Herb has not spoken to his own children in seven years. Turns out that, during a heated argument, Herb kicked his wife out of the car while it was moving 90mph down the Grapevine, in front of his kids! He claims it was an out of body experience. Herb thinks he should be let back into his kids’ lives since it was a onetime incident, and demands he be permitted to go to his daughter’s wedding. To further prove the act wasn’t that bad, Herb then throws himself out of a moving vehicle. Hour 3: Chris Norton is on the program to discuss the news of Debra LaFave sleeping with a student. Chris’ expertise on the issue is due to him being a young and very good-looking guy who has had sex with many women. Chris feels that LaFave should not be arrested because she is attractive and it will traumatize the young boy into thinking he made a bad choice in women. Conversely, if she were typical teacher, described as middle-aged and overweight, she should be convicted. Show log by Kyle Davis.
Hour One:Jay Santos and his Citizens Auxiliary Police sub commanders are going to go into hotel restaurants and interview couples to see if they are married. If they are they can check into the hotel. If they are not...well...as Jay says "we've got a situation." Earl pants Car Talk featured Earl complaining that he needed Viagra after seeing how his girlfriend looked longingly at some dudes new Mercedes SLR McLaren while she sat in what Earl thought was a pretty hot car, his Camaro. Father James McQuarters came on and talked about what a traitor Corey Feldman is to Michael Jackson and then Phil rapped about Maria being up at Pebble Beach interviewing celebs at the AT&T Pro-Am.Hour Two:Chris Norton, a good-looking young telemarketer from Redondo Beach was on to comment on the recent female teacher/male underage student sexual scandals that have been prominent in the news. His take was its all the kids fault since these old ladies can't resist a young hunk...at least that's how it was for Chris and his 8th grade teacher, Mrs. Gladway, who took one look at how "evident" Chris was in his slacks and was on him. Our listener flashback was the classic Sylvia/David bit where caller Sylvia tells our own David G. Hall she is going to taker her high heel off and jam it in his eye. Then the Comb-Over Boy show featured 'Boy explaining the high comedy art of the "How you doing Tom?/Do you care" exchange.Hour Three:Our last hour kicked off with Love Songs and Bob telling everyone who doesn't have a date this Valentines Day that they are losers. he takes calls from people and suggest ways they can "pop their corks." Kenny Rogers comes on and does another "Holiday" special, this one for Valentines Day featuring the same unending laundry list of D grade TV stars like Vicki Lawrence and Cheryl Ladd. On Harvey Weirman's Senior Chat, Harvey's guest is Paul Rogers, who has written the book "Stuck Accelerator: The Conspiracy Against Seniors." Paul explains that all seniors know the brake is on the right and the accelerator on the left but Detroit lies to them and tells them its the other way around. David G. hall comes on and makes Phil read off the call letters of all of his affiliates since he's been going on and on about his move to Extra Sports AM570, KLAC. Did we mention that Phil is moving, February 21st to Extra Sports AM 570? Gene Klein, professional ass kisser winds up the show with his advice on kissing the bosses ass. Example: Any joke that starts out with "...there was this hair lip, see...." is a sure winner.
Hour One:Justin McElroy, high school junior, came on the show to explain the the kid in Minnesota who shot up his school was exhibiting some kind of Native American rage. According to Justin, it never would have happened had the white man not done the "Injun" wrong.Hour Two:Chris Norton introduces his new service "Dream Date." If you are a high school girl who ordinarily doesn't get invited to proms, he'll be your date complete with limo, dinner and, as you exit the limo for the prom, smoke "like you're walking out of hell." Chris prices on a sliding scale. The more "challenging" the date, the more expensive. How much to date Terri Schiavo? According to Chris, "four figures."Hour Three:Jeff Dowder calls in to say that Mad Hatters disease is so named because the old time haberdashers used to breath "formaldehyde" fumes while bending and shaping the hats they made and it drove them nuts. He says he knows because his friend Toby Beau told him and Toby's grandfather used to make "bowler hats for Dion O'Bannion in Chicago." Phil then talks about meeting and talking football with the former Dallas Cowboy all-pro James Washington. The Jim Rome Show features Romey choking on a piece of gum and Travis performing the Heimlich. Then Charlie calls to say he hates the Jim Rome bit that Phil just did and Bud chimes in his agreement and then David G. Hall calls to say he thought it sucked too. Logan Benson, the little five year old, calls in to say his Grandpa believes that if Michael Jackson had dealt with "those brats the same way John Wayne Gacy did" he wouldn't have the problems he has today. Phil segues from that tasteless piece of material into a discussion of his wife's basketball prowess. The show ends with the Kenny Rogers "Please Help Me Pay Off My Debt Before The Mafia Kills Me" Special.
Hour One:Bill Duncy, a private pilot tells Phil and the listeners that the airspace over the White House should be left open to celebrities who fly private planes since "they've given us so much." They should simply have their agents send the FAA headshots and resumes so the control tower dudes know who they are.Hour Two:Chris Norton's new company, Germaine Hair Care and Salon Products for Women is a bold new venture. He and Lance Germaine base their sales technique on Chris's innate "sess-uality" and his direct and honest approach. "Hi my name is Chris and I wanted to tell you that your face isn't really cutting it."Hour Three:Phil lets everyone know he isn't retiring. He was joking about it since he thought he was going senile steeping on the gas when he thought it was the brake......... RC Collins calls and, along with Rudy, tries out his "la-la-la" technique........ Earl Pants Car Talk has Earl losing his toupee while he is driving a convertible which winds up blowing onto a cops head........ David G. Hall announces that from now on his entrance onto the show will be preceded by the Star Wars "Imperial March" music and he is to addressed as "Lord" Hall..........Phil talks about giving his youngest son a driving lesson........Phil thinks back on taking Maria out for their first date in his five-speed truck and the valet at Santa Anita not knowing how to drive it....
Hour 1:Chris Norton's new company, Germaine Hair Care and Salon Products for Women is a bold new venture. He and Lance Germaine base their sales technique on Chris's innate "sess-uality" and his direct and honest approach. "Hi my name is Chris and I wanted to tell you that your face isn't really cutting it."Hour 2:Clara Bingham of Joyful Union Congregation Middle School chucks a kids cell phone out into the street when she finds out he's talking to his dad in Iraq.........Hour 3:Steve Bosell, the Corona construction contractor started taking magic lessons mail-order so he could work kids birthday parties on weekends. So he goes to these kid's parties as "Magic Steve" and does his thing but the kids tell him he sucks and would rather play in the bounce house. Steve decides to sue the mother and father that hosted one of these parties because since kids are minors "they don't have the constitutional right to free speech." And the kids exercising their free speech by walking out on his boring magic show is therefore illegal.
Hour 1:Clara Bingham plays cow sound effects, laugh tracks and other insulting noises when overweight children come on campus in order to get them to cry to their parents about it. It's then that Clara can confront these parents who, with every plate of flapjacks they serve, say "I Hate You" to their children.Hour 2:Steve Bosell is suing Las Vegas. He says he has gone there with the sole intention of going to his hotel room, taking a shower, putting on a nice cardigan sweater and a pair of Dockers and going down stairs to the tables to play black jack and drink ice water. But no sooner does he get off the plane then the doorman at the hotel is "sending messages telepathically" telling him to go to Olympic Gardens where Steve proceeds to get drunk and drop 1500 bucks on lap dances.Hour 3:Chris Norton introduces his new service "Dream Date." If you are a high school girl who ordinarily doesn't get invited to proms, he'll be your date complete with limo, dinner and, as you exit the limo for the prom, smoke "like you're walking out of hell." Chris prices on a sliding scale. The more "challenging" the date, the more expensive. How much to date Terri Schiavo? According to Chris, "four figures."
Hour 1:Mr. Bonafide had to manhandle a female driver to get his point across regarding the proper amount of space needed for RV drivers in rainy weather.Hour 2:Chris Norton introduces his new service "Dream Date." If you are a high school girl who ordinarily doesn't get invited to proms, he'll be your date complete with limo, dinner, and as you exit the limo for the prom, smoke "like you're walking out of hell." Chris prices on a sliding scale. The more "challenging" the date, the more expensive. How much to date Terri Schiavo? According to Chris, "four figures."Hour 3:Bob Green, owner of Frazier Foods, is, once again, being sued for sexual harassment; this time by a group of female customers who claim that, over the years, he has engaged in suggestive behavior. Their claims included an accusation that he had "Ladies Shopping Day" where he would offer free popscicles to women at the door and then photograph them throughout the store sucking on them.
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