Show Log For 6/28 Videocast: Oct 21 1999 "Flock of Geese" Pilot Art Griego is killing flocks of geese with guns and cricket bats to teach the geese a lesson about taking up his air space. Nov. 1 1999  "Stankafacation" Jay Santos comments on the female rugby team that was suspended after posing for a nude team photo. Jay says a photo of "beastly" girls could be a concern to public safety. Oct 14 1999 "Foot-long Marital Aides" Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police went into the house of one of one of his sub-commanders to perform a safety check and found a box of exotic sex toys. Jay says that it was his duty to alert this couple that these items not part of the CAP marital guide. Oct 5, 1999 "Littering with Children" Bobbie Dooley of Western Estates collected money for a family in her neighborhood so that the husband can get a vasectomy. Bobbie says the family already has plenty of kids and they don't need anymore.    

Margaret Grey is promoting a new program which has celebrities call chronically truant kids and encourage them to attend school. Margaret explains that, of course, children in LA and New York are used to being around celebrities, but kids out in "the hinterlands, the sticks" would get a kick out of hearing from Larry the cable guy, Jeff Foxworthy and, yes, even Charlie Sheen. Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police will be out and about this weekend with his sub-commanders to take peoples temperature on the Egyptian situation. If people like what's going on (Mubarak resigned) then they get "a tip of the pith helmet and we wish them a very pleasant and productive afternoon." But if they do not like the current situation then Jay says he directs them to "go dark on talk radio and Fox TV." If they say no they won't then Jay says yes they will and lets this retorting go on until the person takes a punch at Jay. "That's the best," says Jay "Because then we slam them to the cement and get their face right down into it so their mouth and nose are squished together."

Tonight it was Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police telling Phil about "Operation Safe Streets" which is a campaign to go door to door and find out "how green people are." In the course of talking to people at the door, if Jay or his men happen to step over the threshold to "take a peak around" people need to go with it otherwise "that's a red flag." Jay basically cited case law (or tried to) that he claims says if a cop is suddenly chased into your house by a bee and while he's in your house he sees cocaine, he can bust you. Austin Amarca, a cabinet-maker from Lancaster, Ca. wants a law passed prohibiting people who make under $40, 000 a year and win a hundred million dollar jackpot from getting any publicity. Why? Because for a guy like Austin, who serves his daughter Eggo's in the morning instead of real buttermilk pancakes because he doesn't have time to make them, hearing about some guy with no teeth who works in a convenience store winning 258 million in Missouri Powerball is almost too much to bear.

Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police teamed up with the Gator Brigade of Central Florida to hunt pervs at the opening of the Wizadry World of Harry Potter in Orlando. As usual Jay is checking people out to make sure they aren't adults just taking advantage of the availablity of "so much veal." Jay also is suspicious of adults that don't look like their kids so he asks them "are you sure your wife was always faithful to you?" Later on David G. Hall gave Bud permission to blow a vuvuzela everytime he heard something cool. When Phil read a headline about a woman trying to lose her fear of monkeys by going to an island filled with monkeys, Bud blew the horn. Chris Norton talked about the guts it takes to have a Brazilian wax for men and the fact he charged women 5 bucks a head to watch him get one.

The verdict  in the trial of former BART cop Johannes Mehserle in the shooting death of Oscar Grant III prompted protests today in Oakland, some getting a little rough with fires and broken windows. Professor Emory Clayton was in Oakland and decided on a form of "civil disobedience" that wouldn't hurt anyone. He walked down Broadway holding the last of a lunchtime apple he was eating. When he saw a white woman with a particularly big butt locking up her store, he threw the apple at her ass and ran back to his car. He told Phil on the show "as I ran I could feel the police brutality all over me. No cop actually hit me but that's not the point. I was doing 500 years of swamp running." Next, Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police was also in Oakland helping out another citizens "police" auxiliary, the San Francisco Seals. That's right. They're named after the old hockey team. Anyway, once Jay saw a high number of white people gathering to protest along with black people he realized the black people there might resent the whites because of their tendency to "make protests about police brutality look silly with cell phones and waving at cameras they don't see." Sub-Commander Gleason was upstairs in a hotel room watching the street gatherings on TV and sure enough went to the window and gave Jay the "high-sign, two thumbs up and one thumb down, which means the protests looks stupid. He was telling us to move the whites down a block and get them coffee."

Bobbie Dooley discusses her ideas to make America safer, especially in flight. Nerve gas released by the pilot, axes and machetes hidden with the flotation devices and cockpit doors made of iron. Bobbie also and inevitably talks about who's kid gets to survive...her's, the one left at home or yours, the one on the plane. Naturally your kid gets nerve-gassed. Next up Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police tells Phil that the magic words he uses to frisk or 'spread" people are "Turn around, put your hands on your head and shut your pie hole." Jay says that if those words are spoken with "the voice of authority" then the people will do just that and hence give their consent. Jay also says his ace-in-the-hole is that it's suspicious to be out on 9/11 at the mall eating a corn dog.