Tonight it was Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police telling Phil about "Operation Safe Streets" which is a campaign to go door to door and find out "how green people are." In the course of talking to people at the door, if Jay or his men happen to step over the threshold to "take a peak around" people need to go with it otherwise "that's a red flag." Jay basically cited case law (or tried to) that he claims says if a cop is suddenly chased into your house by a bee and while he's in your house he sees cocaine, he can bust you. Austin Amarca, a cabinet-maker from Lancaster, Ca. wants a law passed prohibiting people who make under $40, 000 a year and win a hundred million dollar jackpot from getting any publicity. Why? Because for a guy like Austin, who serves his daughter Eggo's in the morning instead of real buttermilk pancakes because he doesn't have time to make them, hearing about some guy with no teeth who works in a convenience store winning 258 million in Missouri Powerball is almost too much to bear.

Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police teamed up with the Gator Brigade of Central Florida to hunt pervs at the opening of the Wizadry World of Harry Potter in Orlando. As usual Jay is checking people out to make sure they aren't adults just taking advantage of the availablity of "so much veal." Jay also is suspicious of adults that don't look like their kids so he asks them "are you sure your wife was always faithful to you?" Later on David G. Hall gave Bud permission to blow a vuvuzela everytime he heard something cool. When Phil read a headline about a woman trying to lose her fear of monkeys by going to an island filled with monkeys, Bud blew the horn. Chris Norton talked about the guts it takes to have a Brazilian wax for men and the fact he charged women 5 bucks a head to watch him get one.

The verdict  in the trial of former BART cop Johannes Mehserle in the shooting death of Oscar Grant III prompted protests today in Oakland, some getting a little rough with fires and broken windows. Professor Emory Clayton was in Oakland and decided on a form of "civil disobedience" that wouldn't hurt anyone. He walked down Broadway holding the last of a lunchtime apple he was eating. When he saw a white woman with a particularly big butt locking up her store, he threw the apple at her ass and ran back to his car. He told Phil on the show "as I ran I could feel the police brutality all over me. No cop actually hit me but that's not the point. I was doing 500 years of swamp running." Next, Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police was also in Oakland helping out another citizens "police" auxiliary, the San Francisco Seals. That's right. They're named after the old hockey team. Anyway, once Jay saw a high number of white people gathering to protest along with black people he realized the black people there might resent the whites because of their tendency to "make protests about police brutality look silly with cell phones and waving at cameras they don't see." Sub-Commander Gleason was upstairs in a hotel room watching the street gatherings on TV and sure enough went to the window and gave Jay the "high-sign, two thumbs up and one thumb down, which means the protests looks stupid. He was telling us to move the whites down a block and get them coffee."

Bobbie Dooley discusses her ideas to make America safer, especially in flight. Nerve gas released by the pilot, axes and machetes hidden with the flotation devices and cockpit doors made of iron. Bobbie also and inevitably talks about who's kid gets to survive...her's, the one left at home or yours, the one on the plane. Naturally your kid gets nerve-gassed. Next up Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police tells Phil that the magic words he uses to frisk or 'spread" people are "Turn around, put your hands on your head and shut your pie hole." Jay says that if those words are spoken with "the voice of authority" then the people will do just that and hence give their consent. Jay also says his ace-in-the-hole is that it's suspicious to be out on 9/11 at the mall eating a corn dog.

Tonight's show featured an appearance by Jay Santos of the Citizens Axilliary Police to provide information to the public on dealing with resisting suspects. Jay's main point is all bets are off if a suspect puts their hands on the officer...or "ociffer" in Jay-speak. If the suspect puts their hands on the cop, whether the suspect is a 10 year old girl or an 80 year old man procedure calls for collaring the individual around the head or shoulders and running them, head first, into any stationary cement or asphalt object. Next, the story of a man video-taping a child molester's confession and putting it on YouTube, inspires Phil to bring on Norther California Holistic Center Director Dean Wheeler who was secretly taped by his wife Belinda slapping her when she lost some money and papers for the center. Dean feels the real crime was not him slapping his wife but her secretly recording him doing it. He also slapped her when she added "too much gluten to a walnut loaf she was making. I have Celiac disease which causes my stool to be oily," says Dean. But Deans says he's evolved. He used to hit her with a balled up fist and now uses his open hand. Soon, he'll evolve to the point where he'll remove his rings.

Tonight, leading the first hour off was German writer Shoel Heller who was perplexed by Americans and their going back and forth come election time. "First you like Obama, then you don't, then you do, then you don't. " At this rate, said Mr. Heller, with Germany looking to America for its example, "we might as well go back to National Socialism. Good strong leadership and we're not flip-flopping every two years." Later came Jay Santos of the Citizens Auxiliary Police. Jay and his "sub-commanders" were at polling places today looking at the way people are dressed. "Some of these people were not dressed appropriately. One guy had a pic in his hair and another guy had on swim trunks. I saw another woman wearing a Van de Kamps waitress uniform." Jay said he and his men were sending people home to get into suits and formal head wear until the LA County Sherrif showed up and "made us sit on the curb all lined up like bitches" so that people driving by made fun of them in their bermuda shorts and pith helmets.